4 ways loving your spouse benefits your kids

4 Ways Loving Your Spouse Benefits Your Kids

Displayed love gives our children stability. Our three young kids love to see John and me kiss, and it makes sense. We are their world. The stability of their home, their future, and their peace depends on their dad and me. John and I love each other. We display that in many wonderful ways when our kids aren’t around . . . but our kids need to see our hugs and kisses too. They find stability from that. They find peace from that.

Displayed love gives our children a pattern to follow. Kids live what they see. They will approach relationships the way they see us approaching them. What does a healthy relationship look like? They will understand this by seeing it in us. Love—they will discover by watching—is more than just hugs and kisses, but also kind words, helpful gestures, and tender care in other numerous ways.

Displayed love will help your children understand gender differences. Men and women are different and unique. John and I display our love in front of our kids in different ways. John often grabs me up in the kitchen and gives me a big smooch. I show my love by words of respect, cooking a nice meal, or offering to run an errand for him.

When our kids see love displayed differently by their mom and their dad, they start to understand how genders complement each other. This doesn’t mean I never grab John up for a kiss, or John never cooks a meal for me (they both happen), but generally we show love in different ways.

Displayed love will help your children see the value of marriage. In a world that says marriage is an out-of-date concept and living together is now the norm, love displayed between parents is real-life evidence to the contrary. Children grow to see marriage as something to plan for and desire.

Having a positive attitude toward marriage will change a million little decisions along the way as they grow. It’ll impact who they date, how they date, and what they look for in the people they date. It will impact how they live out their marriage (even that oft times tough first year). Our children will set a higher standard because they’ve seen what to aspire to in your marriage.

3 tips to overcome misunderstandings - boy do I need to remember these!

Here’s Three Tips to Overcome Any Misunderstanding:

• Press your mental “pause” button. If you ever want to circumvent misunderstanding, you have to stand back, cool down, and be objective. You can’t turn it around by staying hot and bothered.
  
• Use your head. Be objective and ask what it would be like to literally be in your spouse’s shoes. After a day like they’ve had, what would it feel like to be in their skin? This will take some effort but try your best.
  
• Use your heart. Feel your partner’s feelings. How? Say something like, “Are you feeling like I’m belittling you right now?” And listen. Listen aggressively – not just to the words but the feelings underneath them.
  

Do these three things and you can’t help but honor your partner with respect. You can’t help but to change your perspective because you’ll see the issue through your partner’s eyes.
 And here’s a secret – your new perspective is contagious. So don’t be surprised when your spouse does the same for you.

Dates -

20 Date Ideas You BOTH Will Love

January 9, 2014 By jenileegoodwin 9 Comments

Dating your spouse.
Well, that can get a little hard to do after the years go by…
The same old Dinner+Movie+Coffee date that we love gets routine and sometimes it is fun to try something new.
But what?
If you are like us, and life is busy and it is truly a miracle that you got out alone for an evening. Planning a date can come last to actually setting up the date to begin with!
Jeremy has challenged me in this… what are some things we can do for dates that we both will enjoy.
When we get a chance to go out, what should we do?
Something different.
Something that I like to do. Something that he likes to do.
Although, I’ve been told that whatever I want to do is something he will want to do as long as we are together.
Did I marry a sweetheart or what?
So, I’ve been working on a list.
Thinking like we were dating again. Trying to come up with unique things to do for date nights.
I’ve made a list before… with our Top Ten Things to do for Date Nights… but this time I wanted to break out of the norm and go big. Set up a list of dream dates for us.
Jeremy… you can just pick whichever of these you want to do. Well, we can do them all. Some now… some when we have the money. But this list is a start.
20 Date Ideas we BOTH will love:
1. Dinner at The Melting Pot. A yummy, fun fondue place set up for couples.
2. A trip to Build-a-Bear. When we were dating, Jeremy used to get me bears. I’d love one with his voice recorded inside. That would be a fun date.
3. A visit to a unique store or a fun downtown area with lots of little shops.
4. A Picnic at the beach… even in the colder months, a winter picnic would be beautiful! (and yes, Jeremy, I will borrow your hunting socks so I don’t have to worry about cold feet! #hunterwifeblessings)
5. Take a historical walk. Jeremy and I both love history. I found a book recently that is about historical walks in Paris. I plan on doing every single one while we are in language school. I’m sure we could duplicate that wherever we are!
6. Splurge on a Hot Air Balloon ride. This is on our bucket list. And one day, when we have the money, we are totally doing this!
7. Spend a day visiting Museums. We have done this before and it was wonderful.
8. Get a couples massage. We have also done this before. In Turkey actually… but we should put this on our to do list again.
9. Go Camping. We are all about family camping. We LOVE camping. But just the two of us? That would be a great overnight getaway!
10. Sample Sushi all around town. We LOVE sushi… well, I love veggie sushi and he loves raw meat and other weird sushi things… but it would be a fun date to just visit a few different sushi places and try new things!
11. A fun photo shoot. We love having family pictures and we do have some great pictures of the two of us. But, keeping up to date couples pictures is a great thing!
12. Go for a Dinner Cruise. I have never done this! I think it would be a very fun date… get dressed up and go for a nice dinner on the water!
13. Star Gazing. Bring a blanket and find a spot to watch the stars. We have done this before during a meteor shower… it was very sweet.
14. Run in a Color Run or another fun race. We really need to do this soon!
15. Create your own progressive dinner from your favorite restaurants or try some new places.
16. Re-live your first date. Football and McDonalds anyone? Yes, that was our first date and yes, I would do it again.
17. A Midnight snack date after the kids go to bed. S’mores in the kitchen, chips and salsa… a fun way to spend time together!
18. Do a picture scavenger hunt together. At the mall. At the park. At the restaurant. My sis in law got us something like this and it is on our to do list!
19. Fill a Time Capsule together. Take a date night to collect things about that year or that season of life for your family. Hide it away somewhere for later years. This would be tricky for us to find a place to leave it but I think it would be a fun memory for us right now!
20. Go to a live show or musical. Again, when we have money, we love seeing live shows on stage.
No matter how long you have been married, learning to date your spouse and KEEP dating your spouse can be challenging.
Try something new. Step out of the box. And create your date dream list!
More Date Night Ideas!
and a few more!

another article to share

Parenting After You Messed Up

April 10, 2014 By jenileegoodwin Leave a Comment

You all know the feeling.
You said it wrong.
Disciplined wrong.
Acted the wrong way.
Parents, we mess up.
And sometimes our kids know it. Sometimes it effects them. Sometimes we are stuck in a moment of realizing we messed up.
Handled it wrong. Made a wrong decision… something just didn’t go right.
And you know it.

Sometimes we don’t know. Not until way after the fact.
Sometimes we look back over the years and we realize, wow… totally could have done that differently.
It might be years past.
It might have been just yesterday.
But, parents, we can pick up the pieces and continue on our parenting journey… even after messing up.
You know why?
Because our kids get it.
They mess up too.
They have felt the feeling of messing up big time. They know what it is like to say it wrong, handle it wrong, do it wrong… kids get it.
You want to know another reason why we can keep parenting after messing up?
Because God says we can. God is full of second chances and mercy for our situation. He is completely prepared to guide us and help us with the aftermath of our mistakes.
I’ve thought about this a lot recently with the explosion of parenting materials, blog posts, pinterest posts… all giving us great how-tos. But sometimes all those great how-tos can highlight all the ways we might have done it wrong or said it wrong or handled it wrong. And we need to take a step back and realize that parents mess up. And that’s okay. We can pick up the pieces and keep going.
We can still be fantastic, God-led, amazing, wonderful parents even when we mess up.
Parenting is a job that God created you specifically to do in your family.
Parenting is a job that you can do and do well. even when you mess up.
In all honesty, it is GOOD for your kids to see you mess up!
They need to see how you handle it and how you move forward. That teaches them a whole host of great things about real life. Things they are supposed to learn at home with you so that they can move forward in their families with health one day.
So, how can you parent after messing up?
1. Pray – Ask God to give you direct wisdom on how to handle the situation. No matter how big or how small. Pray for guidance.
2. TMI – Don’t give too much information if what you did is beyond their understanding. Keep information bite size for their age.
3. Be honest – Kids can see through us so well. Be honest when you’ve messed up. And, yes, you can still be honest without giving too much information.
4. Ask for forgiveness – Say sorry. Ask for forgiveness. Set an example of how to foster reconciliation after messing up.
5. Hugs – Families need hugs. Kids need physical closer when they have been wronged or they feel like something is unsettling at home. Family dog pile, Family hugs, Family movie and snuggle time… all of this is a great way to reconnect after a serious moment.
Then, move forward.
With grace for your family and grace for yourself.
How do you handle messing up? Big or small, what are some ways you parent after messing up or making a mistake?
A few more parenting posts:
Mommy Stress

Something to think about..... sorry it's been a while :) love you girls!

I wrote recently about 1 Thing you should not do in Marriage.
It flew around facebook and twitter and pinterest… striking a cord with many women.
So, I asked my husband, “What is your 1 thing you shouldn’t do in marriage? Something you would tell husbands?”

He thought about it for a second.
Jokingly, he looked at me with that huge grin, “Well I know the 1 thing you SHOULD do in marriage…”
I hit his shoulder and said, “Be serious.”
He was.
That’s why I don’t have HIM post here on the blog… #wink
“Come on… what is 1 Thing you shouldn’t do?”
He was quiet for a few minutes.
“Well, I don’t think couples should brood about things. If something is bothering you or something needs to be talked about, do it. Be open. Be honest.”
I nodded and agreed.
He went on, “When you are silent and brooding, it doesn’t just hurt the other person. It hurts you both.”
As he was talking I thought about this picture.

When I was recently looking through our couples pictures for the Happy Wives Club posts, I saw this one.
I think it is actually a little funny. Because we never look that way. Very rarely is Jeremy not smiling.
But sometimes in marriage, things can get rough. And it can be easy to withdraw, close in and stop talking.
Hurt, heartbreak, breaking trust, feelings of inadequacy, frustration, anger… all things that naturally cause us to shut down.
Looking at this picture showed me how we look when we are silent. Unsmiling. Quiet. Brooding.
We don’t look like ourselves.
We don’t show joy.
We don’t show love.
Some very good reasons not to brood over things. Very good reasons to connect, talk, share in openness and honesty together.
Even the hard conversations.
Even the things that seem uncomfortable.
Don’t let silence hurt your marriage.
Because this is a much better picture of the joy couples have when they decide that brooding is one thing they shouldn’t do.

You create your relationship every day......

From a blog I read......




When The Hubs and I were dating we went to a lot of workshops together.  My favorite of all the different classes we did was about connecting with your heart. It was a 6 week class. I don’t remember the name of the teacher, the place where we took it or what we studied. All I remember from the class is one sentence. One, glorious and powerful sentence:
You create your relationship every day.
That’s it. So simple.
The teacher said that people wonder why relationships die. They go out with someone, it’s all fabulous in the beginning and then suddenly something happens. The relationship gets stale.
He went on to say, relationships do not get stale. People forget – you create your relationship every day. What people do is stop creating and then wonder what went wrong.
Well I guess if you count all that, it’s a whole paragraph. 6 week two hour class – and one paragraph was all I got. Oddly enough, it was all I needed.
We left that class and promised, solemnly swore even. We will create our relationship every day. We will not forget and go stale. We will be fresh. Every day.
Once we decided we create our relationship every day then the next question was – how?
We decided to text each other at least once a day. We don’t like to call each other during the day when we are both focused and working, however we religiously text each other at lunch time.

So what's next?

I've been pondering this.  One of the million books I'm reading now is this book by Andy Stanley.  Actually, haven't started it - but will this week.  The original title was What to Cheat (I believe).  The gist of the book is decided what to spend your time on - you honestly have to cheat something in your life each day to get everything done.  So will you take time away from the Bible, your husband, your kids, your job, etc.

There are also some other books like the Husband Project.
    Praying God's Word for your Husband
    Praying God's Word for you Life
    Project Marriage (but I think we would have to bring our husbands in on this)
    The Me Project (might be good for us)
    The Get Yourself Organized Project (Lord, I need this.  Amen!)
    21 Ways to Connect to your Kids
   
So what do you girls think?  I'm up for anything.  And we really don't have to read a book to continue supporting each other!  I will keep the blog up and running.  I'll try to post anything that "feels right" for our group.  

So, I've finished my projects - have you? Are you keeping it up?

I've finished!  I was going to keep it going - that's still my plan.  But......  since this is a SAFE group I wanted to share this.

What do you do when you feel your husband is being selfish?  When they honestly think it should always be about them?  I'm struggling with this.

For example:  When I'm asleep I really don't want Mr. Chipper to wake me up.  Ella is the same way - we both wake to alarms better than people.  Brad knows this - heck we've been married 15 years next month.  He should know it!  So this morning he left for a 4 day trip at 5:00 am.  We don't have to be up until 6:45.  He woke me to say bye (I'm actually okay with that since its 4 days) but he went upstairs and woke Ella to say bye.  They had said their byes last night.  I confronted   him and he said she went back to sleep.  He also said no one understands being away from their children for 4 day stretches.  He thinks he misses alot.  He really doesn't miss anything important (he's usually off for those)  our day is usually school, work until 4 then gymnastics or piano then home by 6:00.  Shoot by then it feels like bedtime.  :) But that isn't the issue.  The issue is why would you be selfish like that?  Am I crazy to think that's selfish?  Or should I be happy he wanted to say bye.  But of course she was in a horrible mood for school today.  And I was too! 

I know we all struggle with things in our marriages and the best thing is to talk about it and pray about it.  I get that really.  But it's harder to do than that - we all know that!  :) 

So what do you do when frustration takes over? Do you ignore it?  Give it to God?  Talk about it?  Pout like I'm doing?  Get mad?

Tell me please!  

A good reminder for us all - maybe the next devo at K4C meeting :)

Hello My Name is Wendy and I Gossip

It’s a sensitive topic.
As Christian women, we don’t want to admit we do it. To soften its severity we call it sharing. Adding to the deception we conclude these conversations with a sweet whisper of bless her heart.
It’s gossip- unstrained, casual conversation.
Over the years as I have battled with my blabber-mouth-self I have come to realize this is not a fight I can win on my own. Girlfriend to girlfriend, maybe you struggle with gossip too. Through multiple defeats I have learned victory will come when we:
Key 1 – Can Be honest with Ourselves
Call it what it is: gossip. It’s not sharing.  It’s not a prayer request. It’s not an “I know you are close to such-and-such and thought you would want to know…” word to tell. It. Is. Gossip. Honestly, this is the hardest part for me. There’s a part of me that loves to share in a whisper what I know. Lord, help me
Key 2 – Listen to Our Helper
Jesus knew life would be hard for us. (John 16:33)  He knew full well the power of temptation. (Matthew 4:1-11) Therefore, when He left this world, He sent the Holy Spirit. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to to let us know when we are about to sin. (John 16:13) In that moment, when our throat tightens and heart beats in triple time, and when our Helper whispers, “Hey. This is wrong” we need zip our lips and walk away.
Key 3 – Lean on His Word
There is a truth in God’s Word for everything we face. It might take some sleuthing but when we find the truth, we find power. Years ago in my regular Bible study this truth jumped right off the page into my heart, “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3). Yielding to this truth gives me power. It will give you power too!
Let’s consider how different our relationships might be if we shared His truths rather than unrestrained conversation. What if we became intentional in making our conversations meaningful rather than causal?
Oh how thought!

something to think about

Recently my husband hurt my feelings so I resorted to the ever so mature silent treatment. Can you relate?
Well, I was so upset that I called a friend who I was sure would understand and say something to make me feel better. But what she said actually pierced my heart and helped to change my perspective. She asked me, “Lysa, if you knew something might happen to Art today and he’d never come home again, would this situation really matter?”
Suddenly, my hurt was put into perspective and my outlook was completely different. Instead of the silent treatment I called my husband and gently told him why his statement had hurt my feelings. The anger and hurt had dissipated and, thanks to my wise friend, I was free to live the rest of that day with no regrets.

(From today’s radio show, “Everyday Life with Lysa & Renee” ~ a production of Proverbs 31 Ministries)

It's Friday! Yay! Enjoy your "Husband" time!

62 Things to Say to Make Your Husband Feel Great

Janel Breitenstein
Mom Since 2004

Do you want to make your husband feel great? From sincere compliments to questions to help you understand your man better this list has 62 ways to do just that.
1. Thanks for doing that. It means a lot to me when you serve me in little ways like that.
2. I am such a different woman because of the way you _____ (love me, gently lead me, make me feel secure, etc.).
3. I know you and I haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye lately. But I want to let you know that I accept you whether I agree with you or not, and I’m committed to working on our relationship so we both feel understood and secure.
4. I have not a bit of a headache tonight. Interested?
5. I can’t believe how _____ you are. You are so clearly gifted in that area.
6. I’m seeing lately that you may not feel very _____, but I hope you know I still respect you deeply.
7. Let’s clear the calendar and get outta Dodge together.
8. The way you _____ is such a good complement to me. God knew what I needed when He gave me you.
9. You are my best friend.
10. I am more in love with you than ever.
11. I want to go out with you. Are you free _____ night?
12. No matter how royally you mess up, I’ll always be glad you’re mine, I’ll forgive you, and I’ll love your socks off.
13. I remember when I _____. I felt really _____. I don’t know if that’s like what you’re going through, but either way, I want to be there for you.
14. I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me for _____?
15. I saw this and knew it would look great on you.
16. I’m proud of you. That takes an incredible amount of courage/humility/forethought, etc.
17. I got you this, just because.
18. I forgive you. And I won’t bring this up again, okay?
19. Got a minute? There’s something I want to show you in the bedroom.
20. Lately I’ve really seen you grow in the area of _____, like when you _____.
21. You’re right.
22. I hope it’s okay; I tackled _____ from your to-do list today. I know it’s been hanging over your head.
23. Got your favorite snack at the grocery store!
24. I admire you in _____. In fact, I could learn a lot from you in that area.
25. I trust you.
26. Go ahead and sleep in tomorrow.
27. I had no idea you could do that! You continue to impress me.
28. What do you think?
29. Can I give you a massage?
30. To the kids: I love your dad so much. He is so _____.
31. I love being around you.
32. I got a babysitter tonight!
33. I think you have so much to offer, and I can see it in the ways you _____.
34. I’m so glad you’re home.
35. I saw this at the store, and it made me think of you.
36. Thank you!
37. I love doing _____ with you.
38. I stayed within the budget this month!
39. You are one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten. I am so humbled God gave me you.
40. You and me this evening: Game on.
41. I feel so proud when I’m with you.
42. Mind if I hold your hand?
43. I made your favorite _____.
44. Yeowzas. That looks great on you.
45. You are so well-disciplined in _____.
46. Do you feel like I’m understanding you?
47. You handled that incredibly well.
48. What would sound great for dinner tonight?
49. Let’s put the kids to bed early.
50. If there were one thing you could change about me as your wife, what would it be?
51. You have some real gifts in the area of _____.
52. I got tickets!
53. Why don’t you take the night off? I’ve got the kids.
54. It is so cool to watch the man you’ve become even since we’ve been married.
55. Just wanted to let you know I’m praying for you.
56. I got the car washed and serviced today, hoping it would just take a little of the load off your plate.
57. I love it when you wear that.
58. You still take my breath away.
59. I miss you. Have a great time!
60. Our kids are so blessed to have a dad like you. I love the way you _____ them.
61. You make me so happy just by being you.
62. I love you so much.
One final note: Maybe you’re a woman who initiates a lot of love for your man, but tenderness is not often reciprocated. Maybe you’re reading this under the burden of a husband who doesn’t serve you or protect you or cherish you. We want to compassionately encourage you: Jesus gave without mutual gain, too—and that puts you in some pretty good company. We’re asking God to give you remarkable, gentle grace as you lift up your spouse in prayer, and as you meet everyday struggles against resentment and, in several cases, injustice. Our God is the God who sees (Genesis 21:15-21).

Wanted to share.... love you girls!

Mar 19 2014

Advice to Wives: Stop Praying

by Lysa TerKeurst9 Comments

topics:

Everyday Faith Marriage Prayer

Irritated. Frustrated. Hurt.
Those were the words bumping around in my mind as I grabbed my Bible and sat down to do some sort of quiet time.
I felt like such a fake, mindlessly scanning these words on thin pages. My heart wasn’t connecting. My mind wasn’t tuned in. All I could think about was the argument I’d had with my husband.
Why couldn’t he see my point? Why didn’t he understand? Why was he being so stubborn?
I closed my Bible and decided a much more productive thing to do with this situation would be to pray. That’s what godly women do. And oh, how spiritually sound I felt listing all the many things the Lord could do to fix my man – all that was wrong with him.
Sounds spiritual. However, it was anything but.
Suddenly in the middle of my prayer, all I could sense God saying was, “Stop.”
Stop? Stop praying? Well, that certainly couldn’t be from the Lord… so I kept going.
But the word “stop” was pulsing through my mind with each beat of my heart. And deep in my heart, I started to sense why.
God wasn’t looking for me to be a “fix him” wife.
God was looking for me to be a “love him” wife.
I needed to stop praying. At least, I needed to stop praying the way I had been. Yes, there were things my husband needed to work on. But nothing good was happening when all I did was complain about him.
I needed to be a wife daring enough to ask God to reveal to me how to love him. And I needed to ask God where I was going wrong, where I was being selfish, and where I needed to work.
When I shifted my focus on letting God change me, that’s when I started to see real progress.
In the season of struggling through all of this, God taught me three powerful lessons:
1. Is this an irritation or an issue?
There is a big difference between an irritation and an issue. Identifying the difference helps me pick my battles. If this is just an irritation, maybe I need to practice being more flexible, patient, or willing to extend grace.
2. Am I praying about or for my husband?
If I do sense something that needs to change then I need to pray for my husband, not about him. Praying about him is just ranting. Praying for him means digging into God’s Word and praying Scriptures specific to his struggles. That’s powerful! When we pray the WORD of God, we pray the WILL of God.
3. Where is my focus?
I’ll never be able to control how another person acts and reacts, but I certainly can control how I act and react. My focus shouldn’t be on having the right partner. My focus should be on being the right partner.
Slowly, as I shifted my heart in these areas, I saw such progress in our marriage. Do I still get irritated, frustrated and hurt? Of course.
But when I stopped trying to fix him, I was freed up to just love him. And that’s a much more fun and realistic job for me.
End note: These words are easy to type but much harder to live. Good gracious do I readily admit that! I write this to point out my issues… not to heap any kind of condemnation on you. Every marriage is unique and different in their challenges and struggles. But maybe there is something here that could help you.
If so, which of these three lessons applies to you today? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
By Lysa TerKeurst

3 posts in one day

Sorry I've fallen behind.  I have let my projects slip.  But I'm back and going to hit it strong today!  I now realize that it's more important to continue with this when our husbands make it almost impossible to "WANT" to do it.  I just haven't felt it for the past few days.  And Brad has noticed.  Shoot, Ella has noticed. 

But baby I'm back and ready to hit it hard!  Love you girls and pray for you daily!

Camille

Oh my - this is me and Brad - I need to ask him what I can share.

Are you His ‘Help-Meet’ when Others are Watching?

January 23, 2014 by Jen Cudmore 3 Comments

3

My hubby came home from work the other day with the funniest story. We laughed for a good ten minutes, so I was surprised a few days later at his reluctance when I asked him to share the debacle with my sister and her husband. Of course, I brought it up while we were all in the room together, so he had no choice but to tell it.
When I asked him later if I read him right and he hadn’t wanted to share, all he said was “No, I didn’t.” But the irritated expression on his face conveyed his point: I had crossed a line.
Honestly, I don’t know why it bothered him. He and I got a good laugh out of it. The problem could’ve happened to anyone. So what was the big deal? Why was he embarrassed to share?
After nearly 15 years of marriage, I feel like I know my husband pretty well. But that day, I totally blew it. You see, when it comes to talking about your man, your opinion on any topic that pertains to him doesn’t matter. What matters is how he feels about it. When others are watching (and even when they’re not!) we must speak in a way that he will perceive as respectful.

So how do we know what we can say about our husbands in public?

1. Focus on being his ‘help-meet’. Do a quick mental calculation and ask yourself if your words fit the definition of what is expected from a ‘help meet’. (See Lara’s post for a detailed description.)  Is what you’re saying about your man protective, healthy, or like a balm? Does it serve him or honor him?
2. Learn what he perceives as supportive and respectful. All men are different, so what they’re okay with you saying will differ with each marriage. It takes time to know your husband, and even after years of being together, there will still be more to learn!
3. If you’re not sure what he’s okay with, ask him. Or even if you are sure, run it by him anyway. I wish I’d done that in this particular case!
Instead of trying to convince my hubby to see the situation my way, or telling him to just get over it, I decided to validate his feelings. I apologized for embarrassing him that day.

What about you? Are you his ‘help-meet’ when others are watching?

Something we all need....

The Fervent Prayer of a Selfish Wife Avails Nothing

March 17, 2014 by Lara 1 Comment

1

It’s so easy to see the flaws in others–especially our husbands. It is even easier to pray that God change them, and make them what WE think that they should be.
Unfortunately, these selfish prayers will get us nowhere; and I am pretty certain, God is not in the business of granting wishes like He is a genie in a bottle!
Trust me.
I know these prayers do not work.
I have prayed these prayers until I was ready to burst with anger and frustration.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am sure that there are MANY wives who have husbands with MANY issues–I am one of these wives. I am also confident that there is nothing wrong with praying for our husband’s deliverance, protection, character issues, and overall betterment. In all honestly, that is part of our jobs as wives–to help our husbands. Praying for them is definitely a form of helping them! However, the prayers should never be focused on all that God needs to do to make them better husbands for US.

This is the epitome of selfishness.

Think about it:
We go to God and lay out our list of what HE needs to do to change our husbands to make US happy. All the while never thinking about the tremendous log that has overtaken our own eyes. You see, praying for God to change anyone, is not only overflowing with wrong motives, it is unproductive and will gain us nothing but frustration and confusion.

How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? You hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. – Luke 6:42

Only when we pray for God to mold and change US into the wives and women that HE created us to be, will we ever see change. Only then will we have peace and joy. Only then will our prayers be helpful and productive to our marriages!
We need to take a serious SELF inventory and deal with our OWN issues.

If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the Truth.  – 1 John 1:8

Let’s pray now…
Dear Lord, forgive me for every selfish prayer I have prayed. Forgive me for only thinking of myself and what I want. Forgive me for placing fleshly, unrealistic, and worldly expectations on my husband. Forgive me for making my prayer time about a list of things YOU need to do for me. Lord, I want what YOU want for my life. Help me to deal with my own sin, and to pray properly for my husband. Help me to be the wife and woman that You created me to be from the inside out. Help me to shine for You and to be an example of Your grace, love, and mercy before my husband. Lord, thank You for the man that You blessed me with. Thank You for all that he is and all that You plan for him to be. Help me to see him the way that You do. Help me to see his potential and not his flaws. Help me to love, honor, respect, and forgive him. Thank You. In Jesus’ MIGHTY and Saving Name, amen!

Dig Deeper:

I encourage you to go further on this topic. Look up the following Scriptures in a couple translations. Pray over them. Look up any cross references. Ask God to reveal Truth to you to apply in your life!

• Romans 12:10
• 1 Corinthians 10:24
• Romans 12:3
• Philippians 2:4
• Matthew 7:3-5
• James 4:6
• Proverbs 16:18-19

This is very interesting to me. See the bottom of the post for my message.

 

I Rented A Car To Protect My Marriage

Dannah Gresh
Mom Since 1990

I’m passionate about my marriage. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect it. Recently, this meant renting a car and driving to the Philadelphia airport by myself.
It all started in December when Bob and I were trying to think of how to thank Suzy, our lead teacher of Secret Keeper Girl, for ten years of ministry partnership. A Caribbean cruise seemed to be just the thing, so we bought Suzy and her husband Jonathan two tickets. Of course, we thought we should tag along and got two tickets for our selves.
In the week leading up to our departure date, some challenges arose and Bob had to join Suzy and the rest of our Secret Keeper Girl team in Chattanooga the day before our vacation. That meant Jonathan and I would be departing from our hometown on our own rather than with Bob. I guess some women would have felt comfortable taking a four-hour drive to the airport with a trusted male friend. I didn’t.
And it’s because of something that happened in a hotel room in California almost 20 years before I was born.
One afternoon in 1948, a young Billy Graham invited a few friends—George Beverly Shea, Cliff Barrows, and Grady Wilson— to his hotel room in the city of Modesto. There in that room, the four men decided (among other things) that to protect their marriages they would never be alone in a room or travel alone in a vehicle with any woman other than their own individual wives. The commitments they made to each other became known as the Modesto Manifesto. From that day on, Graham stated, “I did not travel, meet, or eat alone with a woman other than my wife.” One of the great hallmarks of his life-long ministry is that it was scandal free. What a gift of faithfulness he gave to his precious wife, Ruth.
Bob and I heard about the practical way this man lived out his passion for his marriage when our own marriage was brand new. We decided to follow his example. We don’t follow it because we are speakers. We made the decision when we were in our 20s and working as marketing consultants with no dream of writing books, speaking, and traveling. Our verbal commitment to one another is something like this:
•We don’t go out to eat alone with someone of the opposite sex.
•We don’t get in a car or room alone with someone of the opposite sex.
•We copy one another when emailing someone of the opposite sex with personal information.
Through the years we have had friends, board members, business partners and complete strangers question our decision. But we’re stickin’ to it.
My vacation cost me $211.15 more than I’d planned for one simple reason: my marriage is priceless to me.

 Just an FYI - this now makes sense to me  .  .  
Pastor Bruce told Amy from the day he arrived at our church that he doesn't ride in the car with a woman that isn't his wife.  She shared with me when we were carpooling somewhere that Bruce and Warren would drive together but we would have to drive ourselves.  Sounds like to me he followed Billy Graham's lead.  Just wanted to share with you guys.  I'm now wondering have I ever been in a car with another man and no one else since we got married?  Only family members (dad/brother) but not positive. 

Today has been super hard for me.  I'm tired and really I don't want to be nice to my husband tonight.  I've worked all day and he's enjoyed the day at home.  I WILL suck it up and say a few extra prayers that I put my nice hat on and do my duties as a wife.  He goes to work tomorrow and I'll miss being nice then.  So, I'm letting it all go right now and starting fresh because really Brad and I are a perfect fit. :)

Prayers for a great week!

I think we are all a little tired with the time change.  We will be short tempered this week, I'm sure.  But with God's help I see a brighter light. :)  Please pray for all of us today - one of us has an important test, another is struggling completing this project husband, and lots of us are just over all of this and ready for "ours"!  I've really enjoyed this little group, it's nice to check in with each other and feel some encouragement. 

I feel like we are Secret Agents on a top secret mission!  I'm willing to keep this blog going after the 21 days if you girls like.  We can even do another top secret mission......  up to you girls. 

My marriage is stronger, my friendship with you girls is stronger and most importantly I'm closer with God because I've had to pray a lot more to get through some days!  lol. 

Love you girls!

Camille

So what annoys you? This husband project has helped with the ways Brad annoys me -

As I was reading through Proverbs 12 today, I was impressed again by another powerful verse.
“A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Proverbs 12:16
Think about that for a minute.
Picture yourself late for work, driving behind someone going 10 miles under the speed limit.
Picture yourself at the grocery store in line with someone who has forgotten their checkbook and didn’t notice until their entire order was run through. Add to that you are trying to contain 3 unruly, tired and very antsy children.
Picture yourself waiting an hour for your husband to come home and he hasn’t called yet.
Picture yourself in the nursery at church, watching 10 other children and the teacher still hasn’t shown up and church started 10 minutes ago.
The “picture yourself” scenerios could go on and on… what annoys you?
Pause here. Go over the last few days. What REALLY annoys you?
Ok. Now, go back and read that verse over again. Have you been prudent or have you been a fool?

• prudent – wise or judicious in practical affairs

I read this verse about a year ago and it has changed how I drive, how I parent, how I wait, how I think, and how I interpret situations. I don’t get annoyed as quickly as I used to.
I don’t get so frustrated when someone puts a dent in my schedule or interrupts the flow of my day.
Why?
Because wisdom says to overlook their mistakes, overlook their lack of consideration, overlook their annoying habit.
Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”
I certainly haven’t mastered the art of “overlooking”. But, I can say that I am more aware of my thoughts, my attitude, my actions and my words.
Sometimes a smile is what that offending person needs… I’m sure they need that more than they need a show of annoyance.
What can you overlook today and in doing so, keep yourself under control?

A Share from Sue

 Thanks Sue, we all needed this!

 

 

God's Love

God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:5, NIV
Did you know that you are God's special loved one? Why would He love you so? Maybe it's because when you abide in Christ you are so saturated in Jesus that when God looks at you, He sees His own precious Son and envelopes you in His love for Jesus' sake!
As you and I develop and grow in this love relationship with God, abiding with Him through meaningful prayer and Bible reading, getting to know Him on a deeper level as we live out what we say we believe, He fills us with Himself. And "God is love" (1 John 4:16, NKJV). As you and I are filled with God, we will be filled with His love, not only for Himself, but for others - which includes our spouses or the incompatible people with whom we are struggling. God has promised to pour out "his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Blessings,

With Love to my Husband

Beautiful card - Could leave the Valentine's Day off and hide it for him to find. :)

So true!!!

I'm here to chat if anyone needs a lift.  Call/text or email me Love you Girls!
704-791-0190
camilledwells@aol.com

Sorry I've fallen behind on posting

I've been super busy and haven't posted lately but......

Hope you girls are on track and the husbands are second guessing what's going on!  Any big plans for this week?  Not here, Brad is home tomorrow and back to work Thursday so I've got to stock his bag again with love notes lol. :)  

Ella has joined in by being nice at all times to her daddy.   No back talk.  That was a huge problem with her and him - they are a lot alike.  I've explained that I'm giving him extra attention for a while and she's noticed that he's easier to get along with - so she joined in with that part! 

Have a great week!

Post it note! This would be a great one!

The Bonus Projects - Sex (Did I just say that out loud?) lol this blog is getting better and better!

Here are 5 Automatic Benefits of Sex!

1.  Happy Hormones are released when you have sex, oxytocin and endorphins to be exact. Calming hormones are released in your body which can help to lower your blood pressure as well. (FYI, solo acts don’t have this effect, only partner sex with your hubby.)

2.  Kissing, cuddling, and hugging can help relieve stress too.  Studies show that couples that kiss, cuddle, and touch more are less depressed and stressed than their non-touchy feely counterparts.  In fact, couples that kiss a lot are eight times less likely to be stressed!

Keep the smooching going ladies, especially in the tough stressful times (this will also keep your hubby in a good mood too).

3.  Sex can keep you healthy! During the holidays the last thing anyone wants is to get sick.  There’s just too much to do. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Sex releases a hormone that helps you ward off germs and viruses, helping to keep you healthy.  Being free of illness is a great stress reliever in itself.

4.  Less is More! I bet you thought I was going to say, having less sex is better for you. No silly! In fact, the more sex you have the more it will benefit you. The more you have the less stressed you’ll become. 

It is true that sometimes we get a little anxiety (stress) that comes on right before having sex. But, the more sex we have over time that decreases, which means you will lower the amount of cortisol in your body. That is a good thing since chronic stress can lead to heart disease, weight gain, and other things we don’t want.  More sex = less cortisol and in this case, less is well…more (it’s better for you).

5.  Good sex and a good mood seem to go hand in hand. Research has shown that after a woman has sex not only is she less stressed that day, but women also tend to be in a better mood the following day. What’s even better is the fact that when you are in a good mood, it leads to more sex. 

(I know your husband will probably be standing up applauding me after you tell him this.)

6 Ways to Build Up Your Husband - Enjoy!

#16 is the hardest for me! How about you?

1. Choose Joy
   It’s true: A happy wife makes a happy life. Please don’t use moodiness as an attempt to manipulate your man, but in all things rejoice, because that’s the right thing to do. (1 Thessaonians 5:16; Philippians 4:4)
2. Honor His Wishes
   Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make him ask twice. (Philippians 2:4)
3. Give Him Your Undivided Attention
   Yes, I know that women are masters of multi-tasking, but when your husband is speaking to you, make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into his eyes, and listen to what he is saying with the goal of understanding and remembering his words.
4. Don’t Interrupt
   Have you ever been around a person who won’t let you finish a sentence? That gets old fast. Even if you think you already know what your husband is going to say, allowing him to say it without cutting him off mid-sentence shows both respect and common courtesy.
5. Emphasize His Good Points
   Sure, he has his faults (as do you), but dwelling on them will only make you (both) miserable. Choose instead to focus on those qualities in your husband that you most admire. (Philippians 4:8)
6. Pray for Him
   Ruth Graham advises wives to “tell your mate the positive, and tell God the negative.” Take your concerns to God. Faithfully lift up your husband in prayer every day, and you will likely notice a transformation not only in him, but in yourself, as well. (Philipians 4:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:17)
7. Don’t Nag
   Your husband is a grown man, so don’t treat him like a two-year-old. Leave room for God to work. You are not the Holy Spirit, so do not try to do His job.
8. Be Thankful
   Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Don’t take your husband for granted. Be appreciative for everything he does for you, whether big or small. Always say thank you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20)
9. Smile at Him
   Smiles spread happiness. Smiles have even been shown to create happiness. Smiles are contagious. And a smile makes any woman more beautiful.
10. Respond Physically
    Did you know that the way you respond (or don’t respond) to your husband’s romantic overtures has a profound effect on his self-confidence? Don’t slap him away when he tries to hug you or make excuses when he’s in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-respected, too. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
11. Eyes Only for Him
    Don’t compare your husband unfavorably to other men, real or imaginary. It is neither fair nor respectful and will only breed trouble and discontent. Avoid watching movies or reading books that might cause you to stumble in this area, as well. (Psalm 19:14; Proverbs 4:23)
12. Kiss Him Goodbye
    I once read about a study done in Germany which found that men whose wives kissed them goodbye every morning were more successful than those who weren’t kissed. Success and respect often go hand-in-hand, so be sure to send him off right, and don’t forget to greet him with a kiss when he returns home, for good measure. (2 Corinthians 13:12)
13. Prepare His Favorite Foods
    Although the rest of the family is not overly-fond of spaghetti, my husband loves it, so I try to make it at least two or three times a month as a way to honor him. Next time you’re planning meals, give special consideration to your husband’s preferences. (Proverbs 31:14-15)
14. Cherish Togetherness
    I love to sit near my husband, whether at home or away. Our church shares potluck dinners every Sunday afternoon, and although the men and women normally sit separately to visit, I like to position myself close enough to my husband that I can listen to the conversation, as I think everything he says is so interesting. At home, I’ll take my book or handwork to whatever room in the house he’s working in, just to be close to him, because I enjoy his company, even when neither of us is talking.
15. Don’t Complain
    Nobody wants to be around a whiner or complainer. It is grating on the nerves. Remember the serenity prayer: accept the things you can’t change, courageously change the things you can, seek wisdom to know the difference. (Philippians 2:14)
16. Resist the Urge to Correct
    I know one wife whose spouse can’t tell a story without her stopping him fifteen times to correct inconsequential details: “It wasn’t Monday evening, it was Monday afternoon…. It wasn’t blue, it was turquoise…. He didn’t ride the bus, he took a shuttle.” Please. Please. Please. Don’t ever do that to your husband — or to anyone else, for that matter! (Proverbs 17:28)
17. Dress to Please Him
    Take care of your appearance. Choose clothes your husband finds flattering, both in public and around the house.
18. Keep the House Tidy
    To the best of your abilities, try to maintain a clean and orderly home. Seek to make it a haven of rest for your entire family. (Proverbs 31:27)
19. Be Content
    Do not pressure your husband to keep up with the Jonses. Take satisfaction in the lifestyle he is able to provide for you. (1 Timothy 6:6-10; Hebrews 13:5)
20. Take His Advice
    Do not dismiss his opinions lightly, especially when you’ve asked for his counsel in the first place. Make every effort to follow your husband’s advice.
21. Admire Him
    Voiced compliments and heartfelt praise are always welcome, but you should also make it your habit to just look at your husband in a respectful, appreciative way. Think kind thoughts toward him. He’ll be able to see the admiration in your eyes. (Luke 6:45)
22. Protect His Name
    Honor your husband in the way you speak of him to family and friends. Guard his reputation and do not let minor disagreements at home cause you to speak ill of him in public. Live in such a way that it will be obvious to others why your husband married you in the first place. (Proverbs 12:4; 22:1)
23. Forgive His Shortcomings
    In the words of Ruth Bell Graham, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Please do not hold grudges against your husband. Do not allow a root of bitterness or resentment find a home in your heart. Forgive your husband freely, as Christ has forgiven you. (Mark 11:25; Matthew 18:21-35)
24. Don’t Argue
    You are not always right, and you do not always have to have the last word. Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.” Be willing to accept the blame. It takes two to argue, so “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14; 21:19; 25:24)
25. Follow His Lead
    If you want your husband to lead, you must be willing to follow. Neither a body nor a family can function well with two heads. Learn to defer to your husband’s wishes and let final decisions rest with him. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Project Order - Does it Matter? Plus updates!

Ginger and I were talking last night and both of us have to change the order of the projects.  I say as long as we do them we are all good.  But I have stashed some things in Brad's bag for him to find on his trip Saturday. 

It's interesting to see Brad's reaction to the little things and this is only day 3!  I love hearing about all of your success with the projects!  So, do you think they know something is up? 

To be honest I struggle with this some, I want someone to do something nice for me.  Brad responds very well for a while then he seems to forget and the little bickering starts back.  It's nothing big but I want to scream "Do you not remember that I cooked your favorite meal of all times?  And that I can't stand to smell it - Well I did it for YOU!"  So, I've sucked it up and prayed more!  How about you guys gals, anyone else feel a little jealous (for lack of a better word)? 

Let's keep encouraging each other and build our marriages! 

Reminder :)

We still need to remember our children - :) Husband updates a little later

Here are 20 Pillow Talk Questions from iMOM to help you jump start your relationship with your child. 

1. What do you like to dream about?
2. What is your best memory this school year?
3. Who is your hero? Why?
4. How would you describe your family?
5. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
6. What are you most proud of yourself for?
7. Who is the kindest person you know? Why?
8. What do you like most about your best friend?
9. What is one thing you would like to learn to do well?
10. If you were an animal what one would you be and why?
11. When is the last time someome hurt your feelings? How did you react?
12. Do you know someone who is going though a hard time? How can you help them?
13. What is the scariest thing that happened this year?
14. If you could keep only one thing, out of everything you have, what would it be?
15. Who do you think is really successful? Why?
16. What’s the best thing about your teacher this year?
17. When do you feel misunderstood by grown-ups?
18. What three words best describe you?
19. What’s something that makes you angry?
20. What’s the best compliment you ever received

One more post for today

Good for a little note???

20 Ways to Surprise your Husband!

20 Fun Ways to Surprise Your Husband

1. Create a music video for him.  Even if you don’t have a artsy bone in your body (hand raised here), you can do this!
Free sites like Animoto.com and Slide give you all the tools you need.  The only thing you have to do is take the time to pull together some of his favorite photos and select the right music.
2. Give him a ‘just because’ gift.  Don’t worry, you don’t have to spend much money to come up with a creative gift he’ll love.  We’ve come up with 35 cheap, fun and unique gifts for you already.
3. King for a day.  Spend an entire day anticipating his wants.  This will blow his mind!  What is his favorite breakfast?  What would he love to see when he comes home?  If he wrote down his perfect day for you, what would be on that list?  Think about that and then do as many things on that list as possible.
4. Dedicate a song to him on the radio.  An oldie but goodie he’d never expect!  This one will require some planning (and possibly an hour of calling over and over to your local radio station) but think about how much you’ll make him blush when he hears his name over the airwaves.  Just make sure he’s listening to the radio when your dedication comes on.
5. Make a love trail.  If you’ve got little ones at home, you’ll need to get creative here so they don’t pick up the trail you attempt to leave behind.  Use rose petals, Reese’s Pieces (think E.T. phone home) or whatever he loves to lead him to a special place where the two of you can be alone.
6. Exchange an obligation for a date.  I love this one!  Ask him to do a mundane task like picking up milk from the store.  Then surprise him at the store with tickets to a movie he’s been wanting to see (or tickets to anything) and whisk him away for a special date night he never saw coming.
7. Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.  Throw a dinner party and invite his favorite people to come celebrate him with you – for no particular reason.  It could be your in-laws, his closest friends, colleagues or whoever he’d enjoy having dinner with and who love him enough to celebrate him (even when it’s not his birthday).
8. Turn your husband gratitude list into a keepsake.  You’ve written down all the things you love about your hubby, right?  Great!  Now, take that list and turn it into a beautiful gift for him.  If you’re like me and haven’t been bit by the “creative bug” just Google the term: Free Printable and you’ll get plenty of DIY options.
9. Repair his beloved, well worn objects.  I need to do this one!  My husband has a green army jacket that’s 30 years old.  I keep threatening to throw it away but for some reason that hideous thing ranks high on his list of things to keep.  So if your hubby has something like that, this idea just might do the trick (for your sanity and his happiness).
10. Tuck a sexy love note in his pants pocket (or anywhere you know he’ll find it).  Write a sexy note (preferably in red ink – meow..) letting him know how much you look forward to seeing him later that night.  He’ll be hot and bothered all day and breaking every traffic law to get home!
11.Lather him up and help him shave.  By careful with that razor!  But this can be loads of fun.  And if he likes a close shave, even better.  As you reach in close to make sure not to nick him, all he’ll be able to do is stare into your eyes, look at your nose, lust after you lips.  Good luck getting him to let you leave the bathroom after you’ve finished!
12. Dinner under the full moon.  Did you know there are sites that tell you when the next full moon will take place?  Pick a date and then set up dinner for two outside in the beautiful moonlight.
13. Take your hubby on a passport adventure.  , we usually do with friends, but you can tailor it to just you and your hubby.  Create passports.  Choose the countries you will visit.  Most of all, have fun!
14. Plan a surprise getaway.  There’s no need to break the bank.  Sign up for local deals from sites like Living Social or Groupon and enter “travel” as something of interest to you.  Every time there is a travel deal, you’ll get an email.  You may have to delete 100 of those emails before the right one comes but give it time and you’ll find a deal you can’t refuse.
15. Try any one of these 74 simple things to brighten his day.  After a tough day or week, there’s nothing your hubby needs more than a little sunshine.
16. Fall in love with his hobby.  Well, maybe not fall in love forever…a day is good.  Is there something he loves to do that you use your “hall pass” for every time he mentions it?  This time, just go with it!  Take up his hobby for a day and show interest in something he loves.  Who knows, you might figure out exactly why he loves it so much.
17. Touch but don’t taste. Men love to be touched but don’t always want it to lead to sex.  I know that goes against popular beliefs but there are times when he just wants to be held.  Stroke him.  Hold him.  And if he wants to go a little further, by all means…
18. Surprise him with lunch at his job.  Sync up your lunch time with your hubby’s and make him (or pick up) his favorite lunch and take it to his office.  If you’re not able to stay to enjoy it with him, leave it with a sweet note that makes him smile from ear to ear.
19. Get a little flirty.  There are so many ways to get flirty with your husband and one of my favorite bloggers
20. Spice things up.  In the bedroom and outside of it


 Came from the www.happywivesclub.com  So I can't take credit for the list :)  Enjoy!

I promise to finish this.

This is so me!  I start things and don't finish them - BUT not this!  I promise for my marriage I will complete these 21 days.  I actually started today and will finish 21 days from today!  Stay on me so I will do this!!!  I'm going to hound you girls to make sure you finish!

Just to make you smile!

something fun

Not sure Brad would go for this, but I thought it was cute.

Yay we have a few more joining us!

So, we have a few more ladies joining us.  Sue mentioned this as a Sunday school for March and April.  What do you guys gals think?  Some of us would be out and have to study/do the projects like we are doing now, which is fine.  I'm ready to start but I will hold off until everyone is ready.  For now here are some ways to say I love you to your husband!

1. TEXT HIM A LOVE MESSAGE Send him a romantic text message on his cell. Make sure it's sweet but spicy!
2. DO ONE OF HIS CHORES FOR HIM Pick a chore that he dreads, such as mowing the lawn, and do it for him. Watch him as he sighs with relief.
3. START A HOBBY TOGETHER Sharing a hobby together such as horse back riding, completing a home improvement project, or selling on eBay can help keep you close.
4. PLAY A GAME TOGETHER Have fun doing things together such as playing board games, riding bumper boats, or playing miniature golf. Just remember, if he should get the best of you, don't tackle him unless you're laughing!
5. SHOW APPRECIATION When your husband works hard, or does something for you, let him know you appreciate him.
6. MAKE YOUR HOME HIS REFUGE Let your home be a haven were your husband can retreat from the stresses of life. Do your best to make it a pleasant environment.
7. LAUGH AT HIS ANTICS Don't let the little things that your husband does get on your nerves. If you think about it, some of these things may have been what attracted you to him! He just wouldn't be the same if he didn't do these things.
8. PRAY FOR HIM Ask God to give him that extra boost to make everything OK. Let your husband hear you pray too. This will let him know that when you can't make it right, you'll ask someone who can.
9. CHECK BEFORE THROWING THINGS AWAY If your husband has some things that seem useless to you, don't trash them until you've made sure he doesn't need them.
10. CHECK BEFORE REARRANGING Ask your husband if it's OK before you move or straighten things on his desk or work area. If he has things where it's easy to find, it might make it chaotic if it's moved.
11. TAKE A WALK OR A HIKE TOGETHER Let nature set the mood for romance! Talk, listen, and hold hands.
12. DON'T EXPECT HIM TO READ YOUR MIND If there is something you want your husband to know about you, tell him. Don't expect him to just know what you're thinking or what you need.
13. LAUGH TOGETHER Forget your adults for awhile, and just act silly together. Also, if something should go awry, try to find some humor in it somewhere. This will also reduce the stress of the situation.
14. RESIST THE URGE TO SNOOP Don't sneak around and check up on your husband, if you want to know something, ask him to his face.
15. GIVE HIM A ROMANTIC CARDDon't wait for a special occasion to give him a card. Find the most romantic card you can find and leave it in his car. Don't forget to add your own personal message! Maybe you'll even make him nervous, wondering if he forgot an anniversary!
16. PACK HIS FAVORITE TREAT Buy his favorite candy bar or other treat, and pack it in his lunch with a love note.
17. TAKE A BUBBLE BATH TOGETHER This is self-explanatory.
18. E-MAIL HIM AN INVITATION FOR ROMANCE Invite him on a rendezvous with you! Build his anticipation, then tell him to RSVP!
19. TAKE HIM TO TEST DRIVE HIS DREAM CAR Drive him to a car lot some Saturday, and let him test drive the car of his dreams - even though you probably won't buy it.
20. LET HIM BUY THAT TOY Permit him to buy that toy he's been wanting so badly. Better yet, put some of your own things off, save the money and buy it for him yourself!
21. TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE The future isn't as far away as it seems sometimes. Talk about where you'd like to be when you're married 50 years, and work on making those dreams happen.
22. GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT Don't jump to conclusions if your husband has said or done something questionable. Give him the chance to explain before you pass judgement.
23. LET HIM BE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE Although this is growing increasingly unpopular, it does still work. Just because your husband is in charge of the household doesn't mean that you can't share your opinions, it just means he's captain of the team.
24. SAY, "I'M SORRY" Although you may not want to admit it, there will be times when you're in the wrong. Maybe you've said something hurtful or done something insensitive. Never have too much pride to tell him you're sorry.
25. KEEP YOUR PROMISES If you told your husband you'd do something, make sure that you follow through.
26. RUB HIS FEET Steer him to the recliner and pull off his shoes. Rub his feet for at least 20 minutes. It has been told that this may even improve his health!
27. MAKE YOUR BEDROOM A LOVER'S PARADISE Turn your ordinary bedroom into any lover's dream without a lot of expense. Remove clutter and anything that doesn't belong, and replace it with scented candles and fresh flowers. Hang pretty curtains and find some comfy bedding. Place mirrors to reflect candlelight, and misting fountains for a romantic effect.
28. WRITE A NOTE ON THE STEAMED-UP BATHROOM MIRROR While your husband is showering, sneak in and write, "I love you" on the steamed-up bathroom mirror. This will steam him up as well, especially if you seal it with your lip prints!
29. PUT LOVE IN HIS SUDS I'm talking about a bar of soap! Scratch "I love you" into his soap so he'll find it the next time he showers. (You may not want to seal this note with your lip prints, though).
30. GIVE HIM A MASSAGE Go buy some sweet smelling oils and turn your bedroom into a spa! Give your husband a full body massage and work out those aching muscles.
31. PLAY ROMANTIC MUSIC Keep a good deal of romantic music on hand in your bedroom to help set the mood for romance.
32. PUT A SIGN IN YOUR YARDPlace a sign in your yard such as, "THE WORLD'S GREATEST HUSBAND LIVES HERE." Let everyone know how special your husband is to you.
33. LET BYGONES BE BYGONES If your husband has done or said something to hurt you, forgive him. Don't keep bringing up the past every time you get into a disagreement, especially if he has shown remorse.
34. BE HONEST Don't hide things from your husband. Be open and transparent. This will help him trust you more.
35. BRAG ON HIM IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS Men naturally rely on boost in their ego now and then in order to stay confident. Let him hear you tell others about the great things he says and does.
36. CLEAN HIS CAR FOR HIM Surprise him by giving his car a good detailed cleaning. If you don't want to tackle it yourself, have it professionally done.
37. PUT HIS PICTURE IN WALLPAPER Let him know that you still think he's a gorgeous hunk by putting his picture on your computer desktop!
38. BUY A BUMPER STICKER Put a "I Love My Husband" bumper sticker on your car.
39. WORSHIP TOGETHER The couple who prays together, stays together. These will be very tender and special moments shared between the two of you, as well as important.
40. EAT BY CANDLELIGHT Cook his favorite meal and light the candles. Take time to focus on each other, and to look into each others eyes.
41. BE DEVOTED TO HIM One of the greatest gifts that you could ever give your husband is your true faithfulness. This includes physically, emotionally, and in your thoughts. If you're struggling with temptation, nip it in the bud. Tell him your feelings in a sensitive and loving way. Don't bottle anything up, this is asking for disaster.
42. RUN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH HIS HAIR Or massage his temples if he doesn't have any. Do this while he relaxes. Remember, your touch is important to him.
43. DON'T CONTRADICT HIM IN FRONT OF OTHERS This will only embarrass him and cause people to lose respect. This is especially important if you have children.
44. DON'T CRITICIZE HIM IN FRONT OF OTHERS If you feel that your husband needs a bit of constructive criticism, make sure it's just that - constructive. Don't offer it at all unless it's in a loving way, and in private. Being criticized in front of others lowers self esteem and causes hurt feelings.
45. DEFEND HIM Don't let others disrespect your husband. Even just a snide comment can hurt. Stick up for him. Don't let someone drive into the ground the most important person in your life.
46. LOVE YOURSELF Many times we as women hold back on our husbands because of our own insecurities. Learn to let it go. The things that we're so worried about, usually don't even bother him. What bothers him is when we hold back. Remember, although this may sound strange, you can't really love someone until you love yourself.
47. PAMPER HIM WHEN HE'S SICK Men love to be pampered, especially when they're sick. Make sure everything is comfortable and that he has his "special soup."
48. LOOK HIM IN THE EYES Look your husband straight in the eyes when he talks to you. Not only will this show that you're interested in what he has to say, but there is something about looking straight into his eyes that will give you butterflies.
49. DISPLAY YOUR WEDDING PHOTOS Don't tuck away your wedding photos after you've been married awhile, keep them on display. This will be a great reminder of how your love was at the beginning, and how much it has grown.
50. DISPLAY YOUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE Frame the sacred document of your marriage. This will be a wonderful and constant reminder that your love is sealed, and you really do belong to each other.
51. TRUST HIM Too many times wives just sit around and wait for their husbands to do something wrong. Cut him some slack and dare to believe in him.
52. HAVE YOUR PHOTO MADE TOGETHER You may have done this when you were dating, but why not now? Get a current shot to place on the bedroom dresser or the desk at work.
53. LET HIM WIN It is inevitable, even in healthy marriages, to argue occasionally. What would it really hurt to just let him win? At least you wouldn't be arguing.
54. DON'T GO TO BED MAD Although you've probably heard this one for years, and it may have been your grandmother's first marriage advice to you, it is still true. Going to bed hurt or angry keeps feelings under the surface. When you wake up you don't want to continue the argument, so you you hold in your frustrations and they begin to mount. It's best to talk everything out, and fall asleep in each other's arms.
55. DON'T COMPARE HIM Don't EVER, EVER compare your husband to another man - not even your father. Your husband is his own person and unique in his own ways. Love him for it.
56. GREET HIM AT THE DOOR Don't wait for your husband to say, "Honey, I'm home!" Watch for him, and greet him at the door with a hug and kiss.
57. MEND HIS CLOTHES Buy a sewing kit and repair those sock holes! Break down and sew on his popped-off buttons. This may increase his wardrobe by 20%!
58. TALK IN CODE Pick a code word for something that only the two of you know the meaning for and say it openly in public. You'll have your own inside joke. This will help keep you close.
59. HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH This will get you both laughing, and the closeness will be fun!
60. WAKE HIM UP WITH KISSES Make his whole day go better by waking him up with kisses. He may even keep you there through breakfast!
61. HELP HIM SHAVE This is a fun way to be close and to get you both laughing! (As long as your careful, that is).
62. DEDICATE A SONG TO HIM Did you have a song that was "your song" while you were dating? Call up your local radio station and request it, and have them to dedicate it to your hubby!
63. MAKE HIM A HEART-SHAPED BREAKFAST Make heart-shaped pancakes and heart-shaped toast! Trim little pads of butter into heart shapes as well.
64. DON'T TRY TO BE HIS MOM Remember you are his wife, not his mother. Don't jump him every time he leaves something on the floor or his clothes don't match. It's OK to lovingly remind him, occasionally, but don't nag him.
65. GRAB A KISS WHILE YOU WAIT Kiss your husband while you're waiting at the stoplight or in the food drive-through. Your wait won't seem near as long, and you may wish it could last a littler longer!
66. FLIRT WITH HIM Just because you've snagged him, don't stop flirting! Wink at him, squeeze his muscles and, WHOOOO, or now that your married, it's not at all out of line to be a little bolder in your purpose.
67. GO ON A LONG DRIVE Go for a long drive and sight see. This is an excellent chance to talk or just be in each other's company. The way gas prices are, you'd almost have to love someone in order to take a long drive. If you don't want to spend the gas, drive to a pretty park or lake and just stop and soak up the scenery while you talk and hold hands.
68. BE HIS BEST FRIEND Let him feel confident that you'll always be there when needs to talk, to laugh, or even cry. Let him be free to be himself at all times and stick with him through the thick and thin.
69. EAT AN ICE CREAM CONE TOGETHER Buy one, large cone, and eat it together at the same time. You may miss the cone, and touch his lips, which will even be sweeter!
70. CHERISH THE SMALL THINGS Concentrate on the way he walks, the way he talks, his smile, or the way he says your name. These are really more important than you think, and no one can do it quite like him.
71. HELP HIM WITH HIS CLOTHES Ask him to let you help with the buttoning or unbuttoning of his clothes as he's dressing or undressing. Caress him gently as you're doing it.
72. KEEP YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE It's easy to fall into a "house wife" mode and just walk around in "cleaning clothes" with your hair twisted into a mess. That's OK while your actually cleaning, but try to be more presentable by the time your husband sees you. Bathe, put on clean clothes and a dab of perfume, and set your hair nice.
73. DON'T PUSH THE BUDGET It is important to learn to live within your means. If you can't afford certain things, don't buy them. Financial stress is very hard on marriages.
74. DON'T COMPLAIN Don't complain about your standard of living or whine about the things that you don't have. If your husband is doing his best to provide for you, make the best with what you have. If you complain, this makes him feel that he is not a good provider, and this is a great blow to his self esteem.
75. HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT If you must fight with your husband, do it with pillows! Make sure nothing is around that can break, then go into battle! See how long you can go without laughing.
76. LOOK OUT FOR HIS HEALTH Encourage your husband to get plenty of sleep and exercise. Try to get him to keep medical and dental appointments. Cook healthy meals, and give him nutritional supplements.
77. BUY HIM SOME SEXY BOXERS Buy several pairs of sexy shorts for him! Try silky, colorful, and glow in the dark! Make sure you tell him what a hunk he is while he's wearing them!
78. WEAR THE LINGERIE HE LOVES Some wives love it, some dread it, but just make sure you wear it!
79. DARE TO BE BOLD Too often, wives wait for their husbands to make the first move in the bedroom. Try showing little aggression yourself once in awhile. This will majorly ignite your husband's passion, and the fireworks will begin!
80. DON'T DEPRIVE HIM Husbands need sex probably more than wives need hugs and compliments. This is one of the main ways he feels loved. Naturally, there will be sometimes you don't feel like it. But even then, if you just give in, you will before it's over.
81. SPLURGE OCCASIONALLY Although money is a precious commodity to many couples, try to find a way to splurge on something now and then. If you have children, find someone to care for them and get away for the weekend. If you can't afford a trip, find a hotel in or near your hometown with a jacuzzi. If it's still too costly, buy something that you both would enjoy, like a new CD.
82. WORK ON YOUR WAYS It's easy to see and point out flaws in your husband, but if you're honest, you'll realize that you haven't earned a halo yet. Try to work on your own shortcomings and make yourself a better person.
83. DON'T BE A PESSIMIST Try not to focus too much on the negative. Keep a positive outlook in your marriage.
84. DON'T RUB IT IN IF YOU'RE RIGHT If you've disagreed on something and it turns out that you were right, don't gloat about it and throw it in his face.
85. WASH EACH OTHERS HAIR Jump in the shower and suds up! Watch the water and soap trickle down his face as you wash his hair.
86. EXAMINE HIS FEATURES Take a moment to delight in your husband's features. The shape of his nose, the set of his eyes. If he catches you staring, wink at him.
87. SEEK HIS ADVICE Ask for your husband's input and advice on anything from children to what he might like to eat. This will let him know he's needed and that his thoughts are important.
88. KEEP TIDY Keep things neat and tidy around the house. Decorate and make things look comfortable and welcoming.
89. TALK ABOUT HIS INTERESTS Bring up a subject that interests him and listen to him talk. Even if the subject doesn't interest you, enjoy watching him as he gets stirred up over the topic.
90. SHOP FOR HIM When you run to the store, see if there is something that you should pick up for him. This could save him a lot of time or keep him from missing a lunch break.
91. KIDNAP HIM Plan a special evening, make all the arrangements, then show up at his job just as he gets off work. Tell him to get in the car and no questions. (Make sure you smile, so he don't get alarmed). Whisk him away for a fun-filled evening, then return to get his car later.
92. RAKE LEAVES TOGETHER Go to your back yard and rake up a pile of leaves. Before you bag them up, play in them together.
93. DON'T LIVE IN A FANTASY WORLD If you can't read a novel without getting depressed over your love life, throw them away. Many books or movies can portray romance in very unrealistic ways. True love and romance is what he is already doing -providing for you and loving you unconditionally.
94. GO CAMPING TOGETHER Find a good camp site and pitch a tent! Buy a two person sleeping bag.
95. DON'T TALK HIS LEG OFF IF HE'S TIRED If your husband is tired and you need to talk to him, go straight to the bottom line and spare the details.
96. SLOW DANCE IN YOUR BEDROOM Plug in some flashing lights and turn on some romantic music and start slow dancing. (Clothes optional).
97. PLAY HIDE AND GO SEEK IN YOUR NIGHTIES Put on your sexiest negligee and challenge him to a game of hide and go seek. He'll say, "Ready or not, here I come!"
98. MAKE LOVE UNDER THE STARS Find a secluded place and throw out a sleeping bag. Make love by the moonlight as you gaze at the stars.
99. SIT IN FRONT OF A FIRE TOGETHER Snuggle up together in front of the fireplace and make out. If you don't have a fire place, consider buying an electric one, these look realistic, and are still romantic.
100. DOTE ON HIM Pick a night and wait on him hand and foot. Draw him a bath, fix his plate for him, and anything else that you can dream up!
101. JUST SAY IT Make it a point to say the words I love you every single day, and mean it.