Oh my - this is me and Brad - I need to ask him what I can share.

Are you His ‘Help-Meet’ when Others are Watching?

January 23, 2014 by Jen Cudmore 3 Comments

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My hubby came home from work the other day with the funniest story. We laughed for a good ten minutes, so I was surprised a few days later at his reluctance when I asked him to share the debacle with my sister and her husband. Of course, I brought it up while we were all in the room together, so he had no choice but to tell it.
When I asked him later if I read him right and he hadn’t wanted to share, all he said was “No, I didn’t.” But the irritated expression on his face conveyed his point: I had crossed a line.
Honestly, I don’t know why it bothered him. He and I got a good laugh out of it. The problem could’ve happened to anyone. So what was the big deal? Why was he embarrassed to share?
After nearly 15 years of marriage, I feel like I know my husband pretty well. But that day, I totally blew it. You see, when it comes to talking about your man, your opinion on any topic that pertains to him doesn’t matter. What matters is how he feels about it. When others are watching (and even when they’re not!) we must speak in a way that he will perceive as respectful.

So how do we know what we can say about our husbands in public?

1. Focus on being his ‘help-meet’. Do a quick mental calculation and ask yourself if your words fit the definition of what is expected from a ‘help meet’. (See Lara’s post for a detailed description.)  Is what you’re saying about your man protective, healthy, or like a balm? Does it serve him or honor him?
2. Learn what he perceives as supportive and respectful. All men are different, so what they’re okay with you saying will differ with each marriage. It takes time to know your husband, and even after years of being together, there will still be more to learn!
3. If you’re not sure what he’s okay with, ask him. Or even if you are sure, run it by him anyway. I wish I’d done that in this particular case!
Instead of trying to convince my hubby to see the situation my way, or telling him to just get over it, I decided to validate his feelings. I apologized for embarrassing him that day.

What about you? Are you his ‘help-meet’ when others are watching?