I've finished! I was going to keep it going - that's still my plan. But...... since this is a SAFE group I wanted to share this.
What do you do when you feel your husband is being selfish? When they honestly think it should always be about them? I'm struggling with this.
For example: When I'm asleep I really don't want Mr. Chipper to wake me up. Ella is the same way - we both wake to alarms better than people. Brad knows this - heck we've been married 15 years next month. He should know it! So this morning he left for a 4 day trip at 5:00 am. We don't have to be up until 6:45. He woke me to say bye (I'm actually okay with that since its 4 days) but he went upstairs and woke Ella to say bye. They had said their byes last night. I confronted him and he said she went back to sleep. He also said no one understands being away from their children for 4 day stretches. He thinks he misses alot. He really doesn't miss anything important (he's usually off for those) our day is usually school, work until 4 then gymnastics or piano then home by 6:00. Shoot by then it feels like bedtime. :) But that isn't the issue. The issue is why would you be selfish like that? Am I crazy to think that's selfish? Or should I be happy he wanted to say bye. But of course she was in a horrible mood for school today. And I was too!
I know we all struggle with things in our marriages and the best thing is to talk about it and pray about it. I get that really. But it's harder to do than that - we all know that! :)
So what do you do when frustration takes over? Do you ignore it? Give it to God? Talk about it? Pout like I'm doing? Get mad?
Tell me please!
This is a hard one. It took me a long time to realize with Tony just how much he hates leaving us. We think men souldn't be so sensitive, but they are. (I still don't get it) I do think however that good-byes the night before & a call the next day is sufficient. And let's remember that we can only control ourselves, not others. I'm assuming you've told him that you realize leaving is hard for him & that it's important for him to say bye, but he also needs to know that while you both will miss him, that waking y'all up to say bye, isn't as simple as all that. It says to me that he has bumped your heart because you are not being heard how that makes your day harder than it already is. He may think you can both go right back to sleep, but it stirs emotions in you that won't allow you to go back to sleep. A compromise is needed here for all to feel valued & address all your needs. And as much as you want to call him selfish, I'm sure that is not his intention. It would be rec'd better if you tell him your needs while having empathy for his too. Be very careful here. I've heard it put like this…when you are about to tell somebody what you need from them act as if you're getting ready to touch their eyeball. Tell them you've sanitized your hands, cut your nails, etc…
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your compromise. Maybe he can leave a note:) And maybe you can call him during the day with an update of the going-on's of the day. Remind me to tell you an ipifanny (sp?) I had with that one day.
Sue