4 ways loving your spouse benefits your kids

4 Ways Loving Your Spouse Benefits Your Kids

Displayed love gives our children stability. Our three young kids love to see John and me kiss, and it makes sense. We are their world. The stability of their home, their future, and their peace depends on their dad and me. John and I love each other. We display that in many wonderful ways when our kids aren’t around . . . but our kids need to see our hugs and kisses too. They find stability from that. They find peace from that.

Displayed love gives our children a pattern to follow. Kids live what they see. They will approach relationships the way they see us approaching them. What does a healthy relationship look like? They will understand this by seeing it in us. Love—they will discover by watching—is more than just hugs and kisses, but also kind words, helpful gestures, and tender care in other numerous ways.

Displayed love will help your children understand gender differences. Men and women are different and unique. John and I display our love in front of our kids in different ways. John often grabs me up in the kitchen and gives me a big smooch. I show my love by words of respect, cooking a nice meal, or offering to run an errand for him.

When our kids see love displayed differently by their mom and their dad, they start to understand how genders complement each other. This doesn’t mean I never grab John up for a kiss, or John never cooks a meal for me (they both happen), but generally we show love in different ways.

Displayed love will help your children see the value of marriage. In a world that says marriage is an out-of-date concept and living together is now the norm, love displayed between parents is real-life evidence to the contrary. Children grow to see marriage as something to plan for and desire.

Having a positive attitude toward marriage will change a million little decisions along the way as they grow. It’ll impact who they date, how they date, and what they look for in the people they date. It will impact how they live out their marriage (even that oft times tough first year). Our children will set a higher standard because they’ve seen what to aspire to in your marriage.

3 tips to overcome misunderstandings - boy do I need to remember these!

Here’s Three Tips to Overcome Any Misunderstanding:

• Press your mental “pause” button. If you ever want to circumvent misunderstanding, you have to stand back, cool down, and be objective. You can’t turn it around by staying hot and bothered.
  
• Use your head. Be objective and ask what it would be like to literally be in your spouse’s shoes. After a day like they’ve had, what would it feel like to be in their skin? This will take some effort but try your best.
  
• Use your heart. Feel your partner’s feelings. How? Say something like, “Are you feeling like I’m belittling you right now?” And listen. Listen aggressively – not just to the words but the feelings underneath them.
  

Do these three things and you can’t help but honor your partner with respect. You can’t help but to change your perspective because you’ll see the issue through your partner’s eyes.
 And here’s a secret – your new perspective is contagious. So don’t be surprised when your spouse does the same for you.

Dates -

20 Date Ideas You BOTH Will Love

January 9, 2014 By jenileegoodwin 9 Comments

Dating your spouse.
Well, that can get a little hard to do after the years go by…
The same old Dinner+Movie+Coffee date that we love gets routine and sometimes it is fun to try something new.
But what?
If you are like us, and life is busy and it is truly a miracle that you got out alone for an evening. Planning a date can come last to actually setting up the date to begin with!
Jeremy has challenged me in this… what are some things we can do for dates that we both will enjoy.
When we get a chance to go out, what should we do?
Something different.
Something that I like to do. Something that he likes to do.
Although, I’ve been told that whatever I want to do is something he will want to do as long as we are together.
Did I marry a sweetheart or what?
So, I’ve been working on a list.
Thinking like we were dating again. Trying to come up with unique things to do for date nights.
I’ve made a list before… with our Top Ten Things to do for Date Nights… but this time I wanted to break out of the norm and go big. Set up a list of dream dates for us.
Jeremy… you can just pick whichever of these you want to do. Well, we can do them all. Some now… some when we have the money. But this list is a start.
20 Date Ideas we BOTH will love:
1. Dinner at The Melting Pot. A yummy, fun fondue place set up for couples.
2. A trip to Build-a-Bear. When we were dating, Jeremy used to get me bears. I’d love one with his voice recorded inside. That would be a fun date.
3. A visit to a unique store or a fun downtown area with lots of little shops.
4. A Picnic at the beach… even in the colder months, a winter picnic would be beautiful! (and yes, Jeremy, I will borrow your hunting socks so I don’t have to worry about cold feet! #hunterwifeblessings)
5. Take a historical walk. Jeremy and I both love history. I found a book recently that is about historical walks in Paris. I plan on doing every single one while we are in language school. I’m sure we could duplicate that wherever we are!
6. Splurge on a Hot Air Balloon ride. This is on our bucket list. And one day, when we have the money, we are totally doing this!
7. Spend a day visiting Museums. We have done this before and it was wonderful.
8. Get a couples massage. We have also done this before. In Turkey actually… but we should put this on our to do list again.
9. Go Camping. We are all about family camping. We LOVE camping. But just the two of us? That would be a great overnight getaway!
10. Sample Sushi all around town. We LOVE sushi… well, I love veggie sushi and he loves raw meat and other weird sushi things… but it would be a fun date to just visit a few different sushi places and try new things!
11. A fun photo shoot. We love having family pictures and we do have some great pictures of the two of us. But, keeping up to date couples pictures is a great thing!
12. Go for a Dinner Cruise. I have never done this! I think it would be a very fun date… get dressed up and go for a nice dinner on the water!
13. Star Gazing. Bring a blanket and find a spot to watch the stars. We have done this before during a meteor shower… it was very sweet.
14. Run in a Color Run or another fun race. We really need to do this soon!
15. Create your own progressive dinner from your favorite restaurants or try some new places.
16. Re-live your first date. Football and McDonalds anyone? Yes, that was our first date and yes, I would do it again.
17. A Midnight snack date after the kids go to bed. S’mores in the kitchen, chips and salsa… a fun way to spend time together!
18. Do a picture scavenger hunt together. At the mall. At the park. At the restaurant. My sis in law got us something like this and it is on our to do list!
19. Fill a Time Capsule together. Take a date night to collect things about that year or that season of life for your family. Hide it away somewhere for later years. This would be tricky for us to find a place to leave it but I think it would be a fun memory for us right now!
20. Go to a live show or musical. Again, when we have money, we love seeing live shows on stage.
No matter how long you have been married, learning to date your spouse and KEEP dating your spouse can be challenging.
Try something new. Step out of the box. And create your date dream list!
More Date Night Ideas!
and a few more!

another article to share

Parenting After You Messed Up

April 10, 2014 By jenileegoodwin Leave a Comment

You all know the feeling.
You said it wrong.
Disciplined wrong.
Acted the wrong way.
Parents, we mess up.
And sometimes our kids know it. Sometimes it effects them. Sometimes we are stuck in a moment of realizing we messed up.
Handled it wrong. Made a wrong decision… something just didn’t go right.
And you know it.

Sometimes we don’t know. Not until way after the fact.
Sometimes we look back over the years and we realize, wow… totally could have done that differently.
It might be years past.
It might have been just yesterday.
But, parents, we can pick up the pieces and continue on our parenting journey… even after messing up.
You know why?
Because our kids get it.
They mess up too.
They have felt the feeling of messing up big time. They know what it is like to say it wrong, handle it wrong, do it wrong… kids get it.
You want to know another reason why we can keep parenting after messing up?
Because God says we can. God is full of second chances and mercy for our situation. He is completely prepared to guide us and help us with the aftermath of our mistakes.
I’ve thought about this a lot recently with the explosion of parenting materials, blog posts, pinterest posts… all giving us great how-tos. But sometimes all those great how-tos can highlight all the ways we might have done it wrong or said it wrong or handled it wrong. And we need to take a step back and realize that parents mess up. And that’s okay. We can pick up the pieces and keep going.
We can still be fantastic, God-led, amazing, wonderful parents even when we mess up.
Parenting is a job that God created you specifically to do in your family.
Parenting is a job that you can do and do well. even when you mess up.
In all honesty, it is GOOD for your kids to see you mess up!
They need to see how you handle it and how you move forward. That teaches them a whole host of great things about real life. Things they are supposed to learn at home with you so that they can move forward in their families with health one day.
So, how can you parent after messing up?
1. Pray – Ask God to give you direct wisdom on how to handle the situation. No matter how big or how small. Pray for guidance.
2. TMI – Don’t give too much information if what you did is beyond their understanding. Keep information bite size for their age.
3. Be honest – Kids can see through us so well. Be honest when you’ve messed up. And, yes, you can still be honest without giving too much information.
4. Ask for forgiveness – Say sorry. Ask for forgiveness. Set an example of how to foster reconciliation after messing up.
5. Hugs – Families need hugs. Kids need physical closer when they have been wronged or they feel like something is unsettling at home. Family dog pile, Family hugs, Family movie and snuggle time… all of this is a great way to reconnect after a serious moment.
Then, move forward.
With grace for your family and grace for yourself.
How do you handle messing up? Big or small, what are some ways you parent after messing up or making a mistake?
A few more parenting posts:
Mommy Stress

Something to think about..... sorry it's been a while :) love you girls!

I wrote recently about 1 Thing you should not do in Marriage.
It flew around facebook and twitter and pinterest… striking a cord with many women.
So, I asked my husband, “What is your 1 thing you shouldn’t do in marriage? Something you would tell husbands?”

He thought about it for a second.
Jokingly, he looked at me with that huge grin, “Well I know the 1 thing you SHOULD do in marriage…”
I hit his shoulder and said, “Be serious.”
He was.
That’s why I don’t have HIM post here on the blog… #wink
“Come on… what is 1 Thing you shouldn’t do?”
He was quiet for a few minutes.
“Well, I don’t think couples should brood about things. If something is bothering you or something needs to be talked about, do it. Be open. Be honest.”
I nodded and agreed.
He went on, “When you are silent and brooding, it doesn’t just hurt the other person. It hurts you both.”
As he was talking I thought about this picture.

When I was recently looking through our couples pictures for the Happy Wives Club posts, I saw this one.
I think it is actually a little funny. Because we never look that way. Very rarely is Jeremy not smiling.
But sometimes in marriage, things can get rough. And it can be easy to withdraw, close in and stop talking.
Hurt, heartbreak, breaking trust, feelings of inadequacy, frustration, anger… all things that naturally cause us to shut down.
Looking at this picture showed me how we look when we are silent. Unsmiling. Quiet. Brooding.
We don’t look like ourselves.
We don’t show joy.
We don’t show love.
Some very good reasons not to brood over things. Very good reasons to connect, talk, share in openness and honesty together.
Even the hard conversations.
Even the things that seem uncomfortable.
Don’t let silence hurt your marriage.
Because this is a much better picture of the joy couples have when they decide that brooding is one thing they shouldn’t do.

You create your relationship every day......

From a blog I read......




When The Hubs and I were dating we went to a lot of workshops together.  My favorite of all the different classes we did was about connecting with your heart. It was a 6 week class. I don’t remember the name of the teacher, the place where we took it or what we studied. All I remember from the class is one sentence. One, glorious and powerful sentence:
You create your relationship every day.
That’s it. So simple.
The teacher said that people wonder why relationships die. They go out with someone, it’s all fabulous in the beginning and then suddenly something happens. The relationship gets stale.
He went on to say, relationships do not get stale. People forget – you create your relationship every day. What people do is stop creating and then wonder what went wrong.
Well I guess if you count all that, it’s a whole paragraph. 6 week two hour class – and one paragraph was all I got. Oddly enough, it was all I needed.
We left that class and promised, solemnly swore even. We will create our relationship every day. We will not forget and go stale. We will be fresh. Every day.
Once we decided we create our relationship every day then the next question was – how?
We decided to text each other at least once a day. We don’t like to call each other during the day when we are both focused and working, however we religiously text each other at lunch time.

So what's next?

I've been pondering this.  One of the million books I'm reading now is this book by Andy Stanley.  Actually, haven't started it - but will this week.  The original title was What to Cheat (I believe).  The gist of the book is decided what to spend your time on - you honestly have to cheat something in your life each day to get everything done.  So will you take time away from the Bible, your husband, your kids, your job, etc.

There are also some other books like the Husband Project.
    Praying God's Word for your Husband
    Praying God's Word for you Life
    Project Marriage (but I think we would have to bring our husbands in on this)
    The Me Project (might be good for us)
    The Get Yourself Organized Project (Lord, I need this.  Amen!)
    21 Ways to Connect to your Kids
   
So what do you girls think?  I'm up for anything.  And we really don't have to read a book to continue supporting each other!  I will keep the blog up and running.  I'll try to post anything that "feels right" for our group.